Author: Steve Harton

Have you ever heard horror stories about families fighting over Grandma’s jewelry or getting stuck in a never-ending legal battle after someone passes away? Or about how long it can take to sell a house tied up in the court process? What about family members being denied their inheritance completely? Unfortunately, these situations happen every day. Not even the rich and famous are immune! A simple Google search will pull up dozens of celebrity stories about all the conflict that ensues after they die.

But most people don’t realize these things are avoidable – if you understand the process. So, if you’ve thought about creating a will or trust to avoid these outcomes, let’s ensure you’re fully aware of what’s at stake first. I’ll use a food analogy throughout this article, so my apologies if I make you hungry.

Lasagna as an Example of the Difference Between a Will or Trust and an Estate Plan

Let’s start by getting really clear on what we’re talking about. You’ve probably heard the term “estate planning” numerous times, but do you really know what it is? Contrary to what you may have heard or read about, estate planning and the documents involved – such as a will or trust – are not quite the same thing. 

Think of your favorite recipe. I’ll use lasagna as an example. A lasagna recipe includes a few different components: the ingredients needed to make the dish, how much of each ingredient you need, and the steps you have to take to transform the ingredients into a dish. Without the steps, the ingredients are just ingredients—they don’t create anything. 

Estate planning is similar. Your estate plan is the recipe, and the documents are the ingredients. A will or trust may be the pasta or the sauce, but they are not the lasagna. Sure, they’re necessary components of the lasagna, but without the other ingredients and steps, they’re just pasta and sauce. Same with estate planning. If you just create a will or trust, you have documents that are just documents. They don’t do anything by themselves.

That most people think the documents ARE the estate plan is a common misconception based on a lack of knowledge. Too many people are focused on the documents, even many lawyers, and so think all they need to do is create those documents, sign them, and call it a day. Even so-called financial “experts” will tell you this. And there’s a whole new tech industry based on this premise, with do-it-yourself programs like LegalZoom. AI has even joined the fold.

Every single one of these people and companies is talking about the documents, or the ingredients. They are not telling you about the recipe. They are not showing you how to make the lasagna, but rather, they’re telling you about some (not even all) of the ingredients you need. What results are the big messes mentioned above: families in court and conflict, fights over sentimental items, long wait times to sell a house or distribute any of the assets, and even big, unnecessary tax bills. 

To truly protect your loved ones and ensure your wishes are carried out the way you want, as easily as possible for the people you love, you need a comprehensive estate plan, not just the documents. The plan lays out not only the ingredients you need, but also in what amounts, and what actions must be taken to make the lasagna.

If you haven’t created a comprehensive plan of your own, or your current plan fails for any reason, know that there’s a plan already made for you. It’s a plan laid out in your State’s law, and it may be very different from what you want. 

Your State’s Recipe for Lasagna May Be Gross

To illustrate the difference between the State’s plan for you and one you can create for yourself, let’s get back to our lasagna example.

Let’s say the State’s recipe for lasagna includes spicy sausage, but you can’t tolerate spicy foods. The state’s plan may contain meat, but you’re a vegetarian. Or, it could be that the State’s recipe includes mushrooms, but your child is allergic to mushrooms. Some ingredients may be missing altogether, and the recipe will probably tell you that you can’t even cook the lasagna for months, or even years (goodness, your family will be hungry!). Whatever the situation, it’s possible that the State’s plan includes some component that you don’t like, or even one that could be disastrous to your family. 

In reality, your State’s plan says how your assets will be distributed, who will get them and in what amounts. It requires a court process, which can be lengthy and expensive, and sometimes assets are frozen until the court process is over. It’s also set up for conflict, as your family members – even if you’re estranged – are required to get notice of the court proceeding, what assets you have, and are invited to make a claim for your assets. You may not like any of this.

If not, here’s the good news. The law also says you can create your own plan and decide on your own who you want to inherit your assets and how. If you create your own plan, you get to decide to give money to charitable causes that matter to you, which the State’s plan does not allow for. And if you create your own plan, you can also decide whether you want your loved ones to go through the court process. Yes, the court process can be optional. 

What Recipe Do You Want to Use?

By creating your estate plan, you get to choose your lasagna recipe. You get to choose whether you want meat or veggie, mild or spicy sausage. You get to exclude ingredients your family members may be allergic to. You even get to decide if you want to share your lasagna with someone else. And you get to decide when to cook the lasagna, whether you want it to be eaten tonight or assembled, frozen and saved for another day. 

It’s entirely possible that you don’t think the State’s recipe is gross and you wouldn’t change a thing. But you won’t know that until you know the details of the State’s plan and how those details pertain to you, your assets, and your family. Or, it could be that you think the State’s recipe is completely gross and you want to pick one that you and your family like. Either way, know what you want to create and be clear on how to do it, and do it correctly. Luckily, I can help. 

How We Help You Get it Right

I’ve seen too many families suffer negative, yet unnecessary, consequences after a loved one dies. And if you haven’t experienced it yourself, chances are you probably will. But with the proper education, beginning with correcting the misconception that estate planning and the documents involved are one and the same, we believe we can break the cycle of strife. 

As a Personal Family Lawyer^Ⓡ, I start with education so you are clear on what the State’s plan is for you, and what you can do to create your own plan that aligns with your values, your goals, your family, and most importantly, that it works when you need it to. 

I call it Life & Legacy Planning, and once you’ve created your Life & Legacy Plan, you can rest easy knowing your wishes will be honored, your loved ones cared for, and your property protected. Book a call with me today to learn more.

Use this link to schedule a complimentary 15-minute call:

Free 15 minute Discovery Call

Let’s get cooking!

By Steve Harton

Love is undoubtedly the most profound and cherished thread that weaves us all together, and there are many different ways to express our love to the people who mean the most to us. Often when we think of showing our love, we think of bouquets of flowers, surprise gifts, and meaningful notes. But an often overlooked – and incredibly meaningful – way of showing your love is to put that love into a plan for the future.

While estate planning may seem like a realm of financial jargon and legalities, it is, at its core, a tangible expression of your care for those closest to you. (And that’s why I refer to estate planning as Life & Legacy Planning.)

In this blog, we’ll look at why adding your partner to your Will and estate plan as a whole isn’t just a romantic gesture but the ultimate act of love.

Providing Care and Protection

Estate planning is typically associated with financial matters and legal technicalities, but at its core, it’s an expression of love for those we hold dear. It’s about not leaving a mess for the people you love. It’s about providing comfort and security to your loved ones long after you’re gone. And, when you include your partner in your estate plan, you are solidifying the foundation of your love and commitment, ensuring they are cared for when you can no longer be there in person.

One of the most tangible ways to demonstrate your love is by securing your partner’s legal and financial future through thoughtful estate planning, but not just any old estate planning — in our book, it needs to be “Life & Legacy Planning” so you know you have a “plan that works to keep your family out of court and out of conflict”™.

While a Will, Trust, and other estate planning documents are valuable, if they are not properly counseled, regularly updated, and combined with additional planning tools such as a Kids Protection Plan®, if you have minor children, and a Family Wealth Inventory plus Legacy Interviews to capture your tangible and non-tangible assets, your loved ones could be left with an expensive mess.

If you are married, your spouse already has some rights in the event of your incapacity or death, but that does not mean they have automatic access to your accounts, or even to make your health care decisions for you the way you would want. If you are not married, your unmarried partner or partners would have no rights to anything in the event of your death or incapacity. Truly the greatest gift you can give your beloved is a Life & Legacy Plan.

Avoiding Legal Complications

Love conquers many things, but we have to acknowledge that legal matters often require a bit more than just sentiment. Without a well-counseled, prepared and updated Life & Legacy Plan, your partner might find themselves entangled in legal complications when it comes to inheriting assets if something happens to you. In fact, if you and your partner aren’t married, they won’t inherit anything at all!

That’s because the law that controls what happens to your assets if you die without a plan is written with married couples in mind. That means that anyone you love who isn’t married to you or directly related to you through blood will be left with nothing when you die or if you become incapacitated, unless you plan in advance.

By including your partner in your Will and overall Life & Legacy Plan, you get to ensure they’ll receive what you would want them to in the event of your loss and spare them the stress of navigating legal intricacies during an already emotionally trying time.

Protecting The Life You Built Together

Maybe the institution of marriage isn’t your thing or you and your partner are putting off marriage plans for the time being. Nonetheless, having a plan in place isn’t something you want to put off until you’re older. Chances are good that you’ve already begun to build a life together that’s worth protecting.

Whether it’s the charming house you turned into a home or the vintage car you spent countless road trips in, shared assets are more than just possessions – they’re a part of your shared history. Including your partner in your estate plan ensures that these shared treasures are passed on smoothly, preserving the memories you built together.

And if you have children with your partner, Life & Legacy Planning takes on an even greater significance. If your partner isn’t biologically related to your children and hasn’t legally adopted them, there is no legal guarantee that your partner would be able to care for your children or even visit them if something happens to you.

Creating a Kids Protection Plan® or your kids in your estate plan is an act of profound love and responsibility. By ensuring your partner has legal authority in matters of your children’s well-being, you’re displaying a commitment to everyone’s future happiness and security.

Helping You Show The One You Love Just How Much You Care

Love binds us together – but proper estate planning, and specifically Life & Legacy Planning® puts the love you have for your partner and your family into action. It’s not just about assets and legalities; it’s a declaration of your commitment and a promise to provide for your loved one even when you’re no longer physically present.

After all, in matters of the heart, there’s no gesture more profound than securing a future together.

If you want to show your partner just how much you love them, contact us today to learn more about our Life & Legacy Planning® process to get started.

Schedule a complimentary 15-minute call using the link below.

Steve

This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.

Losing a loved one is an incredibly challenging experience, and the journey through grief can be both complex and overwhelming. Unfortunately, we all experience grief at one time or another, and knowing how to manage your own grief and how to be there for others who are grieving is an important skill that can improve your life and relationships.

As your Personal Family Lawyer ® firm, we understand that our role extends beyond legal matters. In times of loss, it’s crucial to provide comfort and support to those grieving, and when they’re ready, guidance for the steps ahead.

In this blog, we explore practical and heartfelt ways to hold space for your loved ones who are mourning.

01 | Express Empathy 

When someone is grieving, the simple act of expressing empathy can provide immense comfort. Let your loved one know that you are there for them, ready to listen without judgment. Phrases like “I’m here for you,” or “I’m so sorry for your loss” can make a significant impact. 

If you have also lost a loved one, consider relying on your own experience to relate to their feelings and encourage the person that they will make it through this. Just be mindful to keep the focus on their feelings, as everyone experiences the emotions of loss differently.

If you aren’t sure what to say or aren’t able to be with them physically, a heartfelt card or a handwritten note can convey your sympathy in a tangible and lasting way. Being present on a telephone call can also be extremely comforting. Even if your loved one doesn’t want to talk, just being together in silence can help. 

02 | Create a Safe Environment

Grief is a personal journey, and everyone copes differently. Some may need solitude, while others seek companionship. Respect your loved one’s grieving process and offer support tailored to their needs.

Grieving individuals often need a safe space to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Encourage open communication and let your loved one know that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. Avoid offering unsolicited advice and instead, provide a listening ear. 

Sometimes, just being present and allowing them to share memories or express their pain can be incredibly therapeutic. 

If your loved one doesn’t feel like talking or being around others, don’t push them. Leave them a message of support and give them space. Check in with them only if you haven’t heard from them in an unusual amount of time based on your relationship with them.

Be patient and understand that the stages of grief are unique to each individual. Even if your loved one is feeling better, they will likely have days or weeks where they will feel overwhelmed by grief again. Offer comfort in these moments without trying to change how they feel.

03 | Offer Practical Help

During times of grief, even daily tasks can feel insurmountable. Offering practical help, such as preparing a meal, running errands, or assisting with household chores, can make a world of difference to someone in mourning. Small gestures can alleviate the burden on your loved one, allowing them the time and space they need to navigate their emotions.

If your loved one is grieving for their spouse, they may be at a loss for how to manage their finances or other daily tasks that their partner normally would have handled. Offer to help them pay their bills, set up memorial arrangements, or inform your other relatives about the loss. If your loved one has children to care for, offer to watch their kids for a while, pick them up after school, or help with homework. 

Where you’re able, try to assist your loved one as part of a routine or ritual. Establishing routines can provide a sense of stability amid grief. This could be as simple as giving them a weekly phone call to check in, a monthly visit to a special place, or inviting them over for dinner every Sunday. The consistency and socialization these routines bring can offer a source of connection and help ease the depression that comes with loss.

Ease The Burden of Loss on Your Family By Planning Ahead

In times of grief, the support of friends and family is crucial. But the best way to alleviate some of the stress and anxiety that comes with the loss of a loved one is to create a plan ahead of time. By doing so, everyone you love will know exactly what you want to happen if you become incapacitated or die, and the care of your assets, bills, and loved ones will be handled quickly and smoothly by the people you trust.

Even more importantly, your loved ones will have the support of me and my firm to walk them through any necessary legal steps they need to take during the mourning process.

To learn more about how we can help you create a plan that will provide guidance, comfort, and ease for your loved ones after your death or incapacity, schedule a complimentary call with our office.

We would be honored to be there for your family.

This article is a service of Harton Law Firm We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That’s why we offer a Life & Legacy Planning Session, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Life & Legacy Planning Session™.

This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice for anyone. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice must be obtained on your own, separate from this educational article.